Hurt Hurts
I was wearing a pair of sneakers that I love to wear during my workouts. Sometimes I wear them when I’m not working out. They are my favorite sneakers that just feel so good and comfortable and always serve me well. Surely you have a pair like that. I never said they look good. I often get surprised expressions from my family when I choose them above others. But I don’t care I just plain love them. They never hurt, are supportive, and are lasting what’s seemingly a lifetime. But I didn’t know my love affair with those sneakers would come to a sudden halt.
The last time I comfortably wore those beloved sneakers I collapsed to my knees in the presence of a bunch of strangers! It was the most painful, the saddest, the hardest, the most unfair day of my life. But it was several months later I learned that even on the most unfair day of our lives, God’s promises continue to be true. They don’t suddenly become lies because we are stretched beyond our capacity to heal the hurt. They’re still true. It’s then we are to give the most unfair, most painful day of our lives over to him.
If you’ve ever flown you’re familiar with that long corridor at the airport between the gate when you present your boarding pass and when you board the plane. The Jetway. Yes, that’s it. I was standing there in a long line wearing my favorite shoes having planned a workout I hadn’t quite gotten around to. There was a woman with red hair standing in front of me. I remember because I admired the beautiful, burnt red color. And besides, I will never forget the details of that day. They are forever etched in my mind and my heart.
I felt weighed down physically not knowing that was a foreshadowing of the emotional heaviness to come. My carry-on really should have been a checked bag, but I didn’t have the time to do so and stood there praying the flight attendant wouldn’t notice.
My phone rang, snapping me from my reverie. I sent the call to voicemail, it was only my sister whom I spoke with all the time, sometimes twice a day. I rationalized away the guilt of not answering her call, ‘I would see her in the period it took the flight to get to New Orleans from Dallas.’ She called again! I wondered why. When I answered she asked what I felt at the time was the strangest question,
“Are you alone?”
I, very slowly and quizzically, said, “Noooooooo.” Another question is, “Where are Martin and the girls?” My irritation with all the questions must have shone through. I said, “I am boarding my flight. I will see you once I get there.”
Then she said, “Khris, Momma died.” It was sudden unexpected and unfair.
It was several days later I vowed never to wear those stupid shoes again!
But……these shoes had served me well in the past. I wore them all the time for my workouts. They are great running shoes with tremendous support, which I had felt in the past had protected my knees. Am I just to discard them now because they were a constant reminder of the worst day of my life? No!
We are to redefine the purpose of this thing which is a reminder of a place of pain. That’s what resilience in our lives does. It redefines our feelings and perspective on a negative so that we are empowered to move forward positively; past the hurt, the pain, the guilt, the disappointments that life can sometimes bring.
Hurt is real. It hurts! I’ve learned the start to healing the hurt is to acknowledge it head-on. When we take the time to process the hurt, we are given unspeakable resolve to bounce back to a normal functioning state. That doesn’t mean the hurt and pain immediately leave us, it means we decide to manage our actions and mindset despite the hurt.
The following week I put these shoes on again and ran for a couple of miles. As I was running, I took back my power, remembering the fun my mother and I shared. Each time I wear them I think of how funny she was, her heart for humanity, how giving she was. Sometimes I cry as I run, as I work out remembering her. But I laugh now too. I began to embrace these shoes because God had done a sweet thing in creating a workout time to be devoted to and in memory of my mother. That’s me taking my power back! What’s your power move and what shoes will you wear to celebrate it?
