Gift of the Freedom to Grow
The night before my daughter was to leave for college, I borrowed a pair of her shoes for a date night out at one of my favorite restaurants. Walking upstairs to her room it hit me. Whoa! Wait! I was borrowing a pair of shoes from my 18-year-old. But…….if……she……. had a pair of shoes that were sophisticated and mature enough for me to wear, that meant she, herself, was mature enough to wear them. When did that happen? While I was sleeping?
She was all grown up now, so why was I not ready to give her the freedom of a mature, young woman? Why was I still treating her like she was twelve? Because in my eyes, though filled with tears just looking at her, and in my heart, though filled with love for her, she was still just my little girl who still needed me. She was still my little girl who, on Sundays after church, would join me for a nap in my bed. The same one who sang silly songs with me to the radio in the car as I traipsed her all over town before she was old enough to drive. The one who decided, all on her own, that she no longer wanted to straighten her hair but embrace her curls instead. Was the fact that I was still treating her as a little girl the source of our arguments? She was screaming for independence and I was smoldering her desire to grow with what I intended to be love!
Why was I so afraid to release her onto her journey? I reminded myself that my husband and I had empowered her to embrace her life’s passion and to use it to be a change-maker in the world. To do that, we needed to allow her to grow. Why was I afraid?
Here’s why, it’s plain and simple. Are you ready? I WAS TRYING TO PREVENT HER FROM MAKING MISTAKES! Oh! That’s not good. According to the experts, allowing our children to fail, or make mistakes allows them to grow! Constantly hovering and rescuing my daughter before she fell, was taking away her ability to be resilient. Martin E.P. Seligman, Director of the Penn Positive Psychology Center says in his article, Building Resilience, resilience is essential to success and well-being!
I would miss my Kierstin not being in the house. I would miss her not barging into my bathroom in the middle of my shower to borrow something. I would miss her needing to talk in the middle of the night as we sat on the floor of the kitchen eating Cheerios. I would miss having our green tea together each morning. I would miss her needing me! I realized she was a part of how I defined myself.
But as I remember, my husband and I had given her the power to make her own choices, love, protection, and guidance and now she needed the gift of the freedom to grow! I thought, ‘Grow girl! Grow! We’ve got your back!
